I spent $32k to figure out a shitty work situation
Copy my homework. Save that $$.
I spent $32k+ to figure out whether I should leave or stay at my company.
Hand-wringing in every therapy session ($225 x 48 weeks x 3 years) — analyzing why I couldn’t make it work. Jealous of others who could just deal.
So here’s the needle-moving stuff that made my career decisions easier.
1. Write your eulogy assuming you’re 100
That sounds intense, I know. But stick with me, grab a drink, and imagine where you’d want your eulogy to be read.
Get creative here. A friend of mine passed away who was on the swim team growing up. So his memorial was at a public pool — all of us sat on the risers. There were synchronized swimmers, performing to the Golden Girls song “Thank you for being a friend.” It was fucking beautiful.
Now think of who you want to read your eulogy aloud. Who would be the best person to sing your song?
Next set the scene. Time to write. How would you open it? With a joke? With a challenge? A reflection? A petty clapback? Let it flow.
As you near the end, you’ll notice that work didn’t show up how you thought it would. It’s not in the spotlight the way it is in your life right now.
Because at some point, you get out of the messed-up-work-situation you’re facing. As you get older, you no longer have to lead with career when you meet new people. When was the last time you met a Grandma that told you about her career before her grandkids, amirite?
Post-career we’ll be meeting people at pickleball (or then it may be cakepaddle or potatofoot). We’ll have our pets! Book clubs. Mahjong. Y2K clubbing replicas. We’ll be crocheting couch covers. There will be so much to talk about. Career won’t always be front and center.
And you won’t always be in this shitty work situation. The eulogy exposes this. Your mind can’t unsee it.
Once you have your eulogy, you reverse-engineer from it. How will you show up differently now, knowing how you want your life to go? This is an inspo gold mine, especially if you pair it with a planning method like the 12-week-year.
Don’t chicken out. Just do it. Next up:
2. Default to how you typically get out of shitty situations
I’m not talking about spiraling and dissociating.
How do you typically navigate out? Not stayed in, but got out.
For me, I force myself to see art, watch documentaries, connect dots between news and trends. I ask my Granddaddy, in heaven, what’s in his heart for me.
The idea will usually come if I set out the welcome mat.
Once it knocks, it’s an adrenaline takeover.
I block the haters. I burn bridges. I make a Pinterest board.
I inventory who’s coming with me. Who of my people can help? I text them. They’re used to this. I’m elmo fire. And obviously a Leo.
Then comes my methodical precision in spreadsheets. My future is in those cells. And it hunt it down.
~So that’s me~
But when it came to my bad work situation, I hit override on my process again and again. The welcome mat was not out. The porch light was off. I was in denial and isolating. I was lost to my own self.
Part of coming-back-to-yourself is coming back to your process.
Do you like plotting in secrecy? Do you need everyone to know? Or just your Mom?
What does your future taste like? Smell like? Sound like?
Do you prefer change that’s huge or incremental?
Do you need a team to make it happen? Or do you want to go solo instead?
Do you like having 1 big project or 2? Maybe 3+?
Think through these questions to start activating your default “getting out” method. Today. It’s the stream that will carry you down the river to somewhere better. Or at least to a new place.
3. Give yourself a juicy reward to look at the math
Think of a fun treat you’d be thrilled to receive. Look through your open browser pages on your phone. What experience or product have you looked up the most recently? What do you keep saving on your socials?
My favorite treats are lip gloss, jewelry, and books on The Cold War (ha!).
I want you to gift yourself that yummy treat as a reward for looking at the math.
As you know, indecision often comes down to our finances.
Can I afford to make that change?
What would it cost to do that?
How much do I need to save?
We end up not looking, afraid of what we’ll find. There might be dead bodies in that credit card history. Or we punish ourselves by withholding a reward, but we end up not looking anyway. Cuz it’s annoying.
So we use the reward to actually get data to understand options.
Here’s a simple way to understand your financial runway in months if something were to happen to your job.
Add up one month of bare minimum expenses like rent, groceries, insurance, debt payments, etc. This is your monthly baseline.
Add up the money in your savings and checking accounts (but not retirement). This is your total cash.
Divide total cash by your monthly baseline. This amount tells you how many months of basic needs you could afford if you quit today.
Did you do it? If yes, I’m proud of you. You’re pushing past fear of the unknown to understand where you are.
Now that you generally understand your financial runway, you can start calculating how much it would cost to do X. Or the amount of money you’d need to save for Y.
Rewards reduce suffering while figuring out options.
And here’s some lighter prompts too
These will get you thinking beyond the typical loops
What do you stand against?
Does your company pass your ethics test? (see quiz here)
How would your child self (maybe age 7) advise you right now?
How would your favorite older person advise you right now?
If you’re a tactical girlie…
Check out these more pragmatic tools:
Golden handcuffs
Healthcare
Layoff prevention
In sum
Reverse-engineer a decision today from your eulogy
Use your default process to navigate out of the shitty situation
Give yourself a reward, so you actually look at the math
Most of these methods are psychological rather than tactical — that’s no accident. The brain craves predictability over all else. Sometimes you need to lovingly trick her to open up new pathways — of the neuro variety.
Rooting for you,
Rachel
P.S. what did you learn from writing your eulogy?